As the ten month process comes to an end, I am left feeling frustrated and misunderstood although I have learned and grown at the same time. During the last retreat, I felt as though I had told the group something about myself on the first day in the Balkans and that label stuck with many other members of the group to the last day. The term Zionism comes with a lot of baggage, but no matter the baggage the term comes with, members of the group should be able to look past those connotations to what lies beneath and to truly understand where I am coming from. During the process, I did not feel as though many members could or did look past that. I felt as though that were especially true at both retreats, this one in particular.

The second retreat was far less intense than the first in my experience. During the first retreat, we were all pushed to our limit when put in a role playing activity. This retreat seemed more like a wrap up of our experiences and the last time we would all be able to be together as group. I cannot speak for the group, but for myself only. I felt emotionally worn out by this retreat and during this retreat.

My overall experience was completely worthwhile. In some ways, I am most challenged not by group process but by what we saw and heard in the Balkans. The experience there really resonates with me. During classes or even just conversations with my friends concerning world affairs, it something I often either bring up or think about. Group process has pushed me to challenge myself further be it in personal learning or campus activism. The activities I have done on campus this year are direct reflections of my Abraham’s Vision experience.

-- Miriam Liebman

After reading the weblogs of my colleagues, I was moved to write another one of my own. One student commented that he felt misunderstood from his Palestinian brothers and sisters and more understood by some of the Jewish and Israeli students in our Vision Program. I find that comment very interesting and it is something that ran through my mind all night after reading the post. What does this mean in the context of the conflict or any conflict? Are we held to befriending only the people in our ‘group’ or can we move past these assigned groups and find connections with someone from the other side? What happens when we leave these small intimate groups and return to our larger entities? Also, I find my analysis to be circular, because I had a similar thought in my first weblog.

In my first weblog, I made an observation of how the Muslim and Jewish communities in Serbia are able to get along and work with one another maybe in an effort to build a stronger force than separate. We see many times around the world that minorities band together to magnify their voices. I then related the Muslim and Jewish minorities of Serbia to the Catholic and Orthodox minorities in the Middle East in that they are not divided by religion. The division between Catholics and Orthodox may be only that they are two separate churches in the Middle East, and they can inter-marry with one another without conflict. Yet, the division between Catholic Croatians and Serbian Orthodox was a major part of the Balkan Conflict that I cannot help but compare the two scenarios. I revel in the reality that there is something very unique about how we as individuals can remove ourselves from the larger group and be able to find a connection with someone from the other group. I believe that if it is feasible to love your neighbor than Israelis and Palestinians can live with one another under one-state.

I heard the fears that some Jewish and Israeli fellows had about losing a Jewish state, where any Jew can move to and feel free, but I wonder if these fears are individually developed or culturally ingrained. In studying psychology, fear is most often something that is taught to us as children from our parents or adult figures in our life. A study observed a baby’s reaction after walking across a glass plate, where in the middle of the glass plate it looks as though there is a hole that he or she could fall through. The hole is an illusion, but the purpose of the study was to observe if the child would hesitate or fear walking across the plate because of the imaginary hole. In the study, the baby walks across the plate without fear in the first trial until a parent comes into the room and observes the baby walking across the glass plate. The fear of his or her baby falling is apparent when looking at the parent. The baby’s face shows fear and hesitates to cross the bridge after seeing his or her parent’s reaction. This study kept running through my mind during our last retreat when the Jewish and Israeli students spoke of their fear for not having a Jewish state.

The circular nature in my weblogs seems to reflect the circular nature that I perceive in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. As stated above, the dynamic between the minority groups in one area of the world compared to the same group being the majority in the other part of the world is an interesting topic to dive in deeper. Then, there is the discussion of fear and how fear can turn one group from being the oppressed to the oppressor. These thoughts and these weblogs are important, because they force us fellows to sit down and compose our thoughts into an entry. The task of writing 250 words may seem simple, but this is not so after sitting in discussion amongst 12 other intellectuals trying to process their thoughts while processing one’s own thoughts. On the other hand, the writing process could be an easier task than speaking up in a group for some students. I observed with this Vision 2007-2008 group that our progress was stunted because of hesitation amongst many of the members to voice their views. I spent much of my youth not allowing others to hear my voice, which stunted my own growth vis-à-vis the conflict and interpersonally, but this program gave me a platform to speak up and challenge my resistance. I wrote in my weblogs that I pushed people to speak up because I wanted to hear what they had to say. I know that some people thought I wanted to be fed answers I hoped to hear, but on the contrary, I wanted to know their true beliefs. I noticed that some people hesitated speaking up or answer questions directly, which may have to do with their fear of speaking the truth. Slowly but surely in the last two retreats fellows began to speak these truths that were not discussed in the Balkans.

Although the formal Vision Program meetings are over, I am still processing and analyzing the thoughts and concerns brought up by my colleagues. Many times during this experience I am teased for not speaking sooner in our group process sessions, yet I think much of that has to do with the time I needed to process these deep thoughts and relate them to my own. Although, I cannot negate that it took change within myself to trust in my thoughts and judgment before voicing my inner thoughts amongst this group. I would be interested to see my discussion a year from now and if my growth will continue to evolve as it has throughout this ten-month fellowship.

-- Janan Saba

Following the Spring Retreat, I began to question the retreat and the program as a whole. I feel that I was misrepresented by the Palestinian group. I felt labeled as the emotional, irrational Palestinian American who did not speak enough during the last retreat and was unable to articulate his ideas due to his emotional status.

I sensed that members of the Jewish group understood me better than those of the Palestinian group. I had important discussions with some of the Jewish members, not that I did not have meaningful discussions with the Palestinians, but some of the Jews in fact truly listened to what I had to say and understood me as well, during group process as well as in person.

I disagreed with members of the Palestinian group as they continued to label each Palestinian either as the legitimate Palestinian, the knowledgeable one who “understands the facts” or the emotional one. I noticed that as an extremely immature and ignorant act. Instead of attempting to unite with one identity, that identity continued to be fragmented. I have no knowledge of how many facts the Palestinians know, not that it matters, or how legitimate a Palestinian is. We as Palestinians do not represent every Palestinian in Palestine and the diaspora, but it is our duty to tell the story of the Palestinian people without trying to discredit each other.

I believe that I hadn’t spoken a sufficient amount during our few group process sessions over the last retreat because I felt I had stated my point during our last gatherings together. The absence of the original two facilitators may have contributed to my insufficient participation. Because I didn’t speak often enough during the few hours of group process does not mean my voice was not heard. The Spring Retreat had given me an opportunity to engage in personal talks with members who I had yet truly spoken to. I am grateful for that opportunity; it facilitated me in answering questions that had yet been answered. Maybe if the retreat was not so short, I may have opened-up more often during group process. I would like to thank Noa for supporting me during our final gathering. During our last meeting together, after I was labeled by each Palestinian member as emotional, silent, etc…, Noa expressed her disagreement with those Palestinian members. She was in opposition to what they were saying, because for the most part it was not true. Throughout the program Noa and I were able to speak to one another on an individual and intellectual level. We were able to agree and disagree with each other without trying to deceive or discredit the other.

I enjoyed the Spring Retreat, given that it had set for me an opportunity to see all of the members for a final time. I learned a great deal from the members and staff; I would like to thank everyone for their participation and extensive work.

-- Ameer Saleh

What a phenomenal opportunity The Vision Program created for me. I think I participated in it at the perfect time in my life, and it amazes me that most of the group was invested in it within their first years of college. In my first years of college I was terribly lost and disconnected from what truly mattered to me, days were consumed with crushes and frizzy big hair. But man, our group stepped up and each and every individual taught me so much, about their lives and about myself. What I have gone through over the past 10 months has been huge, at times leaving me empowered and at times leaving me feeling so small. I remember while being in the Balkans I felt small, but an honest and valuable small, when I came home I felt small, but insecure and a little useless....I wasn't able to articulate anything to anyone really....When I tried I was often overrun with my peers telling me they knew what had really happened in Bosnia and they know what is really happening to the Palestinians and seemed to only be interested in their own voices...This shut me up a bit, giving up on sharing questions and thoughts. But then I remember having some serious conversations with one of the Palestinian participants and hearing her share what she had to defend when she came home, broke me down inside. I have support for working on dialogue and having peaceful goals and she was emotionally being held up against a wall being told that peace is for white people and that she was being a traitor. Those conversations woke me up and bit and reminded me to use the power I had and power my voice could have within my community.

I think I gained a lot from the comparative conflict analysis portion of our program. I have always been one to immediately side with the oppressed community in a time of conflict. Because of the program and also because of studying Theater of the Oppressed and The Pedagogy of the Oppressed, I began to understand the mechanics of conflict in a totally different light. History has always baffled me, and I often get lost in dates and events enough to give up. But man history is why we live the way we do today and history has created our reality around the world. By understanding that I understand so much more of why wars happen. A few months ago I sat next to a woman on a bus who is American, but teaches in Turkey for a semester every year. We were on the bus right after Turkey had denounced or denied the Armenian Genocide. I noticed a change in how I approached our conversation because I wasn't just focused on how absurd it was for Turkey to deny the genocide. Instead we were having a discussion on why the Turks were so resistant to accepting what their ancestors had done and what was behind the current tensions. I really appreciate having an open mind to the full picture of a conflict and through that I am able to see the complexity in it, rather than the black and white news paper printed headlines of oppressed and oppressor. After sifting through the many details of a conflict I am more comfortable voicing my "side" or opinion.

This past retreat was moving. I think those of us who were ready did a lot of work, and then some were not in a place to push themselves. Of course, a lot of work is done internally and I can't determine if someone is working or not. I enjoyed how our facilitators challenged me to explain my national identity, which I am still figuring out. They spent a lot of time pushing me in a discussion on each of our personal experiences and I think through that I discovered some funny thoughts on glorifying suffering and how I change how I identify depending on who I am with and what will make me seem cooler, or deeper...When I said this the whole group laughed and a student said it's so true. We swim in the coolness of our parents having suffered. I know this is a complex thing to say, but true on many levels.

In that discussion I also came to a realization of what my goals are for the program. I may have written about this in my evaluation, but my goal is to include every ones experiences and stories in my understanding of the conflict at large...not to go from one "side" to the "other" or have anyone move from their "side." There is so much more power in the room to move within our own "sides." The power of my voice within the Jewish community is so valuable and vise versa for the Palestinians. Through this process I have been able to humanize the Jewish community as well as the Palestinian. By this I mean break down the stereotypes I have carried inside for both groups and value the individual voice. "A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -- Margaret Mead

I participated in AV at the perfect time in my life, and look forward to how I will be able to continue with dialogue work and cross-cultural discussions. I may be spending this summer as a drama staff member at Face to Face, which feels like another great step...one of what I hope to be many on this journey towards conflict transformation and dialogue. Maybe someday I will even be able to work with the Vision Program or AV again.
THANK YOU. I AM IN AWE.

-- Simnia Singer-Sayada

I think that the Jewish people have the right to a state.
Ethnic statehood makes me sick to my stomach.

Israel has a right to defend itself.
Security fences/walls/barriers are atrocious.

I am neither Israeli nor Palestinian.
I feel as though I have a stake in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

I care more about my friends and my family than I do about someone whom I have never met.
I think that privileging people who are closer to us leads to many of the ills and inequalities our world currently faces.

Throughout my exploration of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict I have been constantly confronted with profound and seemingly irreconcilable tensions. There is the oft-spoken-of, seemingly eternal tension between Israelis and Palestinians, between Jews and Arabs. There is the tension within each community between those who want to take bold steps for peace and those within each community that seem rigidly committed to absolutism. The tension between divergent communal narratives. The tension between the comfort of ideology and the difficulties of praxis.

My hope is not to erase these tensions – and indeed, to attempt this would be an impossibly audacious task. Rather, I hope that we, as humans, can use our incredible capacity for empathy, joy, sorrow, action, acceptance, and anger, to embrace these tensions. I hope that we can hold them in a meaningful way, such that when we speak of 1948 we can feel the joy of atzmaut (independence) – the joy of a people creating a state in their ancient homeland after 2000 years of exile – while also mourning the price at which it came, nakba (disaster) – the creation of hundreds of thousands of Palestinian refugees who would never return home, the fracturing of Palestinian society, the birth of another community’s exile.

By allowing these tensions to penetrate our own being, I think that we can approach the conflict more vulnerably, more delicately, and more honestly. It is from there that we can begin to move forward. Ultimately, this conflict will have to be managed and resolved by the political forces that have been so powerful in bringing us to where we are now. But for those who do not wield such political power, I think it is incumbent upon us to engage with these issues fully and honestly. Throughout the Vision Program, I have been forced to do just this. To speak openly and listen carefully to people who have become my dear friends as they share their experiences of the conflict.

As I return home, I am committed to ensuring that future conversations are given the care that they deserve. For those who care deeply about this conflict, I hope that our discourse is both inflected with joy and tempered by sorrow and our demeanor animated by emotion and passion as well as moderated by humility. In my best moments, I almost manage to do this.

-- Benjamin Bechtolsheim